The Value of Time and the Work of Becoming - Journal Entry 1
Thank you for being here. In a world where time is constantly claimed, divided, and exchanged, your decision to spend even a few moments on this page means more to me than I can fully express.
As I have grown older, one of the ideas I wrestle with most is the way we assign value to time. I often find myself returning to the same thought: one hour of my life is valued at this fixed amount?One hour of energy, ability, presence, effort, and thought exchanged for an agreed amount, simply because currency is what sustains survival. There is something sobering about recognizing how much meaning we attach to money while spending the one resource we can never recover. Perhaps that is one reason writing has always held such significance for me.
Writing has been an outlet since childhood. As a first-generation American raised in a multifamily home, I grew up in an environment where basic privacy often felt less like a given and more like a privilege. In that reality, I found refuge in the privacy of my own mind. It became a place of retreat, reflection, imagination, and meaning making. Writing emerged from that space as a way to process what I felt, what I observed, and what I was still learning to understand.
I have always considered myself a lover by nature. From an early age, I witnessed the painful side of love in the lives around me. Those experiences shaped the way I imagined my own future, the kind of person I hoped to become, and the kind of love I wanted to offer. Life, however, has a way of confronting idealism with reality. Experience taught me quickly that I, too, had been shaped by imperfect conditioning. Over time, I have had to acknowledge my own flaws, learn from my mistakes, and take responsibility for the ways I have fallen short.
That process of self-examination remains ongoing. Each day, I try to keep conscious awareness in the driver’s seat, attentive to the subconscious conditioning and maladaptive survival mechanisms that still attempt to influence my choices. The more clearly, I can identify them the more honestly I can address them. The more honestly I address them, the more intentionally I can continue becoming a better person.
My path to publishing was not immediate. I made an attempt in 2017 and another in 2019. Needless to say, that process did not work out. What I can say is that those experiences were shaped by trial and error, limited exposure, and a lack of understanding about the publishing process. At the time, all I knew was that I wanted to write and that I wanted to publish.
Looking back, I can also admit that some of my motivation was rooted in the wrong things. I wanted recognition. I wanted affirmation. I wanted the praise, the visibility, and the instant gratification that can come with being seen. In hindsight, it may have been a gift that those earlier attempts did not materialize. Failure created distance, and distance created perspective.
After those disappointments, I stepped away from the idea for a while. I felt deflated, discouraged, and disconnected from something that had once felt deeply natural to me. In time, however, I found myself returning to the same central question: why should so much of my life be spent in ways that do not directly deepen the intimacy of my home, my presence with my children, my relationship with my partner, or my relationship with myself?
I would like to emphasize strongly; the reflection does not come from a lack of gratitude for the work I do. My professional path in social services has, in many ways, softened that burden. I have served in multiple capacities and roles however always in direct care. That matters to me because it means my time has never felt empty. It has remained connected to something I value deeply: helping others. "For it is in giving that we receive,"- Saint Francis of Assisi.
What changed, was my realization that writing could also become part of that alignment. I could take something I have loved for most of my life "something that feels less like a skill " and more like an extension of who I am—and allow it to create somethingmeaningful in return. I could write, publish, and monetize from that work in the hope that it might buy back a measure of time. More time to be present. More time to be available. More time to live less divided between survival and the life I genuinely want to cultivate.
Recently, after revisiting the idea- I was able to truly discern publishing ceased to be about personal validation. It became about something larger. It became about alignment, responsibility, and freedom.
I often say that "when your actions fail to align with your values, you begin to lose yourself. When our actions align with our values, we begin to find freedom". - (Me) In many ways, I had started to feel that distance within myself. Publishing became one of the ways I chose to close that gap.
It is my hope to continue publishing for that reason. Readers receive a new experience, a different perspective, and perhaps even a moment of recognition or insight. In return, I am able to live more fully within my values—creating, reflecting, helping others, and increasing the worth attached to my time in a way that feels both honest and purposeful.
